The Subtle Art of Asking for Help
Why support is a strength, not a setback—especially for high-achievers
You’ve done so much on your own.
But imagine what could become possible… if you let someone help.
We All Need Some Help
If you’re a high-achieving woman, chances are you’re deeply familiar with the phrase, “I’ll just do it myself.” You know how to get things done. You pride yourself on your competence, your capacity, your ability to figure it out.
But that same self-sufficiency can quietly drain you. It can isolate you. And it can keep you locked in burnout longer than you need to be.
I recently had a moment that reminded me of all this in the most unexpected place: my kitchen floor. With my little brother. As we tried to build a very complicated piece of furniture.
Old Patterns, New Opportunities
My brother and I didn’t get along when we were kids. We fought constantly. But over time—and a lot of growing up—we’ve built a beautiful adult friendship.
Still, the past doesn’t always stay in the past. As we unpacked the box and tried to sort out the pieces, I could feel the tension bubbling up. Old patterns. Frustration. Communication fumbles. And suddenly, it wasn’t just about building furniture anymore.
It was about healing the part of me that still thought I had to do it all myself.
The Moment Everything Shifted
There was a point where I felt myself getting tight. I wanted to take over. To go quiet. To shut down. But instead, I said something I’ve never said before:
“I want your help. But I’m not used to asking for it, so I’m not exactly sure what I need help with.”
That moment changed everything. He stepped in gently. We figured out a rhythm. We built it—together.
We laughed. We high-fived. We took breaks.
We didn’t just build a piece of furniture. We built trust.
I never thought I’d assign more meaning than necessary to a piece furniture designed to hold trash cans so I can keep my cat from knocking things into the garbage without my consent…but here we are!
Why Asking for Help Is a Nervous System Skill
Here’s the truth: letting people help you isn’t about strategy. It’s about safety.
If your body doesn’t feel safe asking, it won’t let you.
That’s why it’s okay if your asks come out wobbly at first.
That’s why it’s okay if you don’t know what you need right away.
That’s why it’s okay if you still feel the urge to just handle it alone.
But it’s also why we practice. Not just to build furniture—but to build new patterns of connection.
Somatic Prompt:
Place your hand over your heart and ask:
“Where in my life am I trying to do everything alone?”
Now ask:
“What’s one small thing I could ask for help with today?”
Key Takeaways
Asking for help is a learned skill, not a character flaw.
Your old patterns may pop up—but they don’t have to take over.
You don’t need perfect words to ask for support. You just need honesty.
Collaboration creates more ease than control ever could.
Micro-moments of help create massive nervous system safety.
The displeased face of a cat who can no longer trash my possessions as he sees fit.
You Don’t Have to Burn Out to Feel Worthy
If you're exhausted from carrying everything on your own—this is your permission slip to let go, just a little. To let someone in. To receive.
✨ Want to practice softening your nervous system in a safe, supported way? Join me for this month’s Hour of F*cking Relief—my breathwork club for women who are done doing it all alone.
