When Hope Feels Like a Setup: Why High-Achieving Women Stop Dreaming—and How to Start Again
Hope is one of those tricky things, isn’t it?
It’s supposed to be light and inspiring—but for a lot of high-achieving women, hope feels like a setup. Not because we’re pessimists. But because we’ve learned—through painful, repeated experience—that big dreams often come with big letdowns.
You know what I mean. You do the thing. You earn the degree, crush the project, stay late, go early, show up like a damn professional powerhouse. And still, something (or someone) finds a reason to say “not yet.” Or “not you.”
That’s the kind of thing that teaches your nervous system: “Hope is dangerous.”
Why Hope Feels Unsafe
In a recent episode of The Burnout Fairy Podcast, I shared a story about being denied a promotion—after working full-time, putting myself through college, and handling serious responsibility for years. The reason I didn’t get the role? Someone said I cried once during a stressful situation. That was all it took for my emotional expression to be held against me.
And just like that, I stopped believing that doing A would lead to B. I stopped trusting hope.
Sound familiar?
But Hope Isn’t the Problem—The System Is
We’ve internalized the idea that if we’re “too emotional,” “too ambitious,” or “too sensitive,” we lose out. So we get smaller. Safer. Quieter. But here’s the truth:
Hope isn’t the enemy. False promises, toxic workplaces, and unsupportive people are.
You can still dream. You just need to do it differently—more carefully, more somatically, more supported.
4 Ways to Rebuild Your Relationship with Hope
1. Get Clear on What You Want
Fuzzy dreams are easy to avoid and hard to reach. Get specific. Write it down. Name it. Own it.
2. Be Selective About Who You Share With
Not everyone deserves your dreams—especially not in their early stages. Find people who amplify, not poke holes.
3. Move Through Disappointment Somatically
Your body holds onto old grief and broken hopes. Use breathwork, movement, tapping, and tears to let it go.
4. Celebrate the Wins—Every Single One
Don’t just tick off the goal and move on. Savor it. Mark the moment. Let your nervous system register that good things do happen.
A Somatic Prompt to Try Right Now
Put one hand on your chest. Inhale slowly through your nose. Exhale through your mouth. And say to yourself, “It’s safe to want more. It’s safe to hope again.”
You’re not silly for wanting joy. You’re sacred for still believing in it, even a little bit.
TL;DR — Key Takeaways
Hope often feels unsafe when it’s been tied to disappointment or betrayal.
Rebuilding hope starts with clarity, support, and nervous system regulation.
Crying or breaking down doesn’t disqualify your strength—it proves your humanity.
Celebrating success builds trust in yourself and your dreams.
You are allowed to want more, even after being let down.
Ready to Breathe Through It Together?
Join me for An Hour of F*cking Relief, my monthly breathwork club designed for high-achieving women ready to release burnout and reconnect with what lights them up.
